He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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