We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
