i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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