New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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