I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
