you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
