Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Only a mothe r could love this liver
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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