I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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