I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
