so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
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and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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