Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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