He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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