My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
