I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize