You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
