You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
