the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
