At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
