we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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