Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
