oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
