I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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