Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
