Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
not ubering you a puppy
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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