I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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