fuck your aforementioned shoe
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
