i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
