happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
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