Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
