i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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