in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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