Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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