would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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