Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
