i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
