I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize