Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
