you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize