my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
