I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
