I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
