nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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