I CAN MOONWALK!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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