There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
