How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
