Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
