How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
