I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drunk is not a location!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
