Betty ford says i'm here all night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
