Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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