Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
