the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
