Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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