her vagine was all disorganized.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
