i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
