I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
