I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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