seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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