Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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