i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
