Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
