I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
