I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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