I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
