Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bang-toberfest begins!!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
