There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and she was petting her beer can
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
