i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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