I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
