Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
