Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
